road protests 2001
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From: firstname.lastname@example.org (norman nawrocki)
ANARCHISTS INVADE QUEBEC CITY!
'FIRST WE TOOK QUEBEC CITY, THEN DRUMMONDVILLE'
THE TRUE STORY BEHIND THE ANARCHIST INVASION OF QUEBEC CITY
It's taken us years of hard work, but finally, We, the Anarchists of the World, members of the 10 million strong GLORIOUS, INTERNATIONAL BLACK WEDGE, will see, ANARCHY IN QUEBEC CITY, thanks in no small part to the cooperation of the State, the CSIS, the RCMP and of course, the dedicated journalists at The Montreal Gazette and The Globe and Mail. who unknowingly helped us succeed in our ingenious, 5 stage SECRET MASTER PLAN FOR TOTAL WORLD SOCIAL REVOLUTION!
1 * It's official. We convinced the authorities a long time ago, to hold the Summit of the Americas in Quebec City - the city of 500,000 closet anarchists and to call this Summit: the FTAA - which really means 'FANTASTIC TIMES FOR ANARCHIST ACTIVISTS.'
2 * We arranged for a minor earthquake in Seattle, power black outs in California, and a few natural disasters, around the world, to indicate that we are not fooling around. We are serious. We can cause major disruptions and bad cable TV reception.
3 * We infiltrated global Secret Police Forces to put the fear of ANARCHY in them, to convince them that the threat of Anarchism is very real. Quote: "The RCMP are certainly worried. The presence of anarchists in Québec is one of the top reasons for the 6,000 police officers, the arsenal of plastic bullets and the 3.8 metre-high security fence, nicknamed The Wall." (The Montreal Gazette, Friday April 13th, 2001)
Since this report, we have learned that an additional 1,200 Canadian soldiers and innumerable American military personnel will also be present to counter our presence. We arranged that, too.
4 * We recruited the Quebec premier, BERNARD LANDRY as one of our top secret agents and turned his party, the annoying BLOC QUEBECOIS into a front for THE ANARCHIST BLAC BLOC.
5 * We convinced them to build the formidable Wall of Shame. This wall will now help us contain, secure, imprison as you will, all the despised members of this hemisphere's ruling class to help us execute our plan: to turn Québec City into a truly INDEPENDENT, ANARCHIST COMMUNIST PARADISE - the first in the world - a place with no more bosses, no more borders, no more rulers; a self-managed, totally LIBERATED ZONE, where we will SOCIALIZE everything, feed and house everyone and use it as a staging ground to help us further our dream: GLOBAL SOCIAL REVOLUTION!
HOW WILL WE DO THIS:
It's simple. While most of our people - local, Québec City resident ANARCHIST BLACK BLOC card carrying members are securing the enormous, FREE ZONE outside the official walled off SECURITY PERIMETER, the rest of us will focus our forces to immobilize and apprehend the trapped members of the despised Ruling Class and their thousands of lackeys and armed body guards.
We know the Authorities are terrified and are trying to play down the extent of our operation and our invasion force.
Contrary to a recent Globe and Mail report that: 'Some members of the anti-capitalist convergence, the CLAC, may be bringing explosives to Quebec City' - the truth is -
1. Approximately 3 million members of CLAC have already arrived outside Québec City, each heavily armed with stink bombs, exploding Cuban cigars & Barbara Streisand albums. They are camped out in camouflaged RVs in the suburbs;
2. Among them, 30,000 JAPANESE NINJA ANARCHIST WARRIORS are preparing to breach the security fence at dawn. They will clear landing pads for several hundred ANARCHIST BLACK CROSS HELICOPTERS carrying 14,000 BELGIAN ANARCHIST pie throwing specialists. Look out Mr Prime Minister!
3. This manoeuvre will provide cover for the BRAZILIAN ANARCHIST AIR FORCE CROP DUSTING JETS, primed to drop 5 tons of ECSTACY - disguised as snow - over the target area;
4. While the ECSTACY falls, 10 thousand three-headed ANARCHIST ALIENS FROM MARS - disguised as visiting space donut entrepreneurs - will sneak past security checkpoints and proceed to vaporize all SUMMIT MEETING PLACES, including all local MacDonald's, Burger King and Harvey's outlets;
5. At this exact moment, 25,000 SCREAMING AMERICAN ANARCHIST KINDERGARTEN KIDS will spontaneously pop out of Québec City manholes armed with VICIOUS PICKACHOO WARRIORS & swarm any undrugged, SUMMIT SECURITY FORCES & drag them back into the sewers;
6. Already, the entire OFFICIAL SUMMIT TRANSLATION CORPS has been infiltrated by ITALIAN ANARCHIST SURREALIST TRANSLATORS preparing to INSULT every SUMMIT DELEGATE;
7. If any delegates survive this, they won't survive the food, since the OFFICIAL CATERING STAFF has been infiltrated by ANARCHIST FOOD NOT BOMBS CHEFS who plan to lace every dish with laxatives & sprinkle itching powder on ALL THE TOILET PAPER;
8. All the moaning and groaning members of the despised Ruling Class will then be hog tied together with a huge ANARCHIST BLACK BUNGEE CORD and suspended & bounced from the peak of the Chateau Frontenac and forced to listen to the songs of long time, bona-fide, anarchist cheerleader mom, Celine Dion;
9. At some point, a giant INFLATED TROJAN CONDOM, will appear over the City and parachute a 300,000 strong, trained ANTI-TERRORIST ANARCHIST PEACE KEEPING FORCE to secure the ground and prevent any dangerous & violent BLUE BLOCK CIA, FBI AND RCMP agents from interfering with the FESTIVE, ANARCHIST CARNIVAL AGAINST CAPITALISM;
10. Further support will be provided by the RUSSIAN ANARCHIST BLACK SUBMARINE FLEET patrolling the St Lawrence River with ANARCHIST GOOD HUMOUR LAUGHING GAS MISSILES;
11. If the ANARCHISTS encounter any remaining resistance, ANARCHIST STARFLEET COMMAND will be positioned over Quebec with a giant ANTI VIAGRA STUN RAY;
A Hollywood version of 'The Anarchist Take Over of Québec City' starring Ben Afflek and Julia Roberts as two, love-struck members of the Black Bloc, is already being filmed on the spot. The story will also appear as a new Harry Potter novel. Anarcho Christians have promised to re-write it into their newest version of the Bible. And finally, a long awaited video game of the impending, epic, Anarchist victory will be out shortly.
- Norman Nawrocki,
official anarchist story teller,
Montréal, April 18, 2001
road protests 2001
| road protests (current)
| movement links